NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
