CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
