i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
