Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
