did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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