you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
