I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
