im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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