i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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