Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
