Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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