I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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