Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
