I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
