He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm experimenting with sincerity
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
