I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
