I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
