dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
sex in a hospital.. check
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