And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
