and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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