WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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