Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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