i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
