If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize