How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
