She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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