just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
