Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
