I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
