I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
