I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
