Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
