I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
why is half of my head shaved?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
