if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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