You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
