I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
