Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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