last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
