I'm really into asian looking animals
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize