Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How's work?
Spinning.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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