1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My hand turned me down
he thought i was a dude.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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