fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
