Whod you bang
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
