I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize