Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
