Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
