Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
