I can text with my tongue
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize