had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
