it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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