Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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