yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
