i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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