If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
