I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
