dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize