i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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