what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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