He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
