I want to stick my p in your. b.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
