You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
