matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
