I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
