So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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