i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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