im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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