you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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