Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
