C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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