it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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