Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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