mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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