alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize