it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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