You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
