so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
