my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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