fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
