Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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