I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize