Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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