Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
