We won't sleep together?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
